Welcome back. Time for another chapter in this most sexy sock puppet adventure! By now we know that Byron Flats is deeply in love with the gorgeous Penelope Boots. We’ve also learned that Byron’s twin brother Myron has schemes to exploit Penelope’s beauty by turning her into a saucy burlesque sensation. Neither twin is aware of his brother’s intentions. Penelope, herself, is clueless! This time on Sock Puppet Burlesque, we see just what happens when the truth comes out! It was the night of the Flats Twins annual masquerade ball. The tradition began with the demise of their father, Alistair Flats. Alistair had been a huge bal masqué enthusiast and had even travelled back in time to thirteenth century Venice to celebrate the very first carnivale. It was during one of those time-travelling adventures that Alistair’s fabric accidentally melded with the very fabric of the universe — causing instant death. The annual ball was a way for the twins to honor their father’s memory. Byron decided to invite Penelope to the event. What better time to introduce her to his brother and show off her beauty? He was also tired of listening to Myron gloat about the new girl he had found to exhibit on the internet. It was his turn to show off his arm candy. Oh, if only Byron had known the truth! Penelope was thrilled at the invitation to the costume party. She spent hours deciding on her costume. What to wear, what to wear? Bryon dressed […]
Welcome, welcome, welcome! We haven’t heard from our dear sock friends in quite some time now, have we? Let’s just say it’s been dark days in the sock drawer. Dark days, indeed! Last we heard, Byron Flats was heartbroken to discover that the lovely Penelope Boots had given up her virtue to Bryon’s twin brother Myron. Byron has now agreed with Myron to turn Penelope into a fabulously sultry burlesque star—the star of the show at their soon-to-open Sock Monkey Strip Club. But before Byron could be much use as a sex trade businessman, he needed to get himself together. For several days after the Masquerade Ball, Byron retreated to the depths of his favorite purple William Yeoward crystal vase. He passed the time by intermittently crying, sleeping, and devouring three times the Sock-FDA recommended daily allowance of Grey Poupon. He then spent way too much time leveling his character Sockotropodopodes on World of Warcraft. Fueled by mustard and an unhealthy amount of tenacity, he made it from level 23 to level 85 in less than an hour. Azeroth had never seen such a feat. To this day, the WoW forums still buzz about it. Feeling that his mental health was still in a critical state and that online achievements weren’t at all mending his damaged psyche, Bryon figured that fresh air and communing with nature might do his brain some good. He visited the nearby cat ranch and made friends with a fine filly named Juliettia. After spending several […]
This time on Sock Puppet Burlesque, we find out what Byron has been up lately. We know his twin brother Myron has been busy seducing the lovely Penelope Boots. As you recall, Byron is a book worm with an insatiable Oscar Wilde curiosity. Byron also fancies himself an aspiring author of alternative-history fiction. He planned to dedicated his next novel to Penelope. It was while Byron was between Oscar Wilde biographies that a fierce sensation of genius and creativity washed over him. This was an idea that required his full attention — and quickly. Byron knew he must tend to this most fickle muse before it drifted away into the ether. He dropped what he was doing and travelled to his favorite place to write, a cabin deep in the California outback. He wrote with great vigor, using his favorite imported quill dipped in antique ink. He wrote hard until nightfall. Feeling tired and weak, Byron investigated the contents of his mini-fridge. He retrieved a bottle of high-octane soy sauce and a chunk of succulent coffee beans. He lit some cheapo scented candles in hopes their nasty miasma would aid in keeping him awake. No such luck. Byron fell asleep only moments later. The mix of candle odor, coffee beans, and soy sauce sent Byron right into a dream sequence most horrific! Most horrific, indeed! However, having taken advanced classes in Lucid Dreaming, Byron was equipped to handle this frightful nightmare. And vanquished the night terrors thusly: Byron then drifted […]
Meet Byron and Myron Flats. They run a series of popular internet porn websites. They are also the owners/managers of The Sock Monkey strip club. However, they weren’t always in the sex trade. Myron dreamed of being a five star chef. He was a connoisseur of many olive oils. Byron was more of a bookish sort. He had a thing for Oscar Wilde. He even earned an advanced degree in Irish Literature. However, dreams of being a famous chef or esteemed professor do not pay the bills. Running a popular porn site – however – does. Perhaps it was the dashed hopes and dreams of the Flats twins which lead them into a career of smut and skin-sales. Or, perhaps, the problem stems from the fact that in their early years, they were frequently worn with sandals. Speculation and psychology aside, one thing is true: Byron and Myron Flats would eventually become the billionaire proprietors of the seediest sock puppet burlesque show this side of Budapest. Among other things, they would make Penelope Boots a star, a feat which would ultimately lead to her emotional and physical unravelling. Stay tuned to find out how the Flats twins met Penelope and how – in one fell swoop- they went from aspiring chef and academic to raunchy sock puppet pimps.
Hometown: Cork, Ireland Age: 25 Favorite Color: All shades of neon Hopes: To be an esteemed professor of Anglo-Irish Literature Fears: To go insane Byron, the other half of the Flat Twins, always pursued a more cerebral life’s passion. Between reading fin de siècle Irish novels and working on his own great Sock-American roman à clef, Byron indulged in some fairly heavy recreational narcotics and hallucinogens. It was in one of these drugged-out states of mind that Byron envisioned the business plan for The Sock Monkey.