Welcome, welcome, welcome! We haven’t heard from our dear sock friends in quite some time now, have we? Let’s just say it’s been dark days in the sock drawer. Dark days, indeed!
Last we heard, Byron Flats was heartbroken to discover that the lovely Penelope Boots had given up her virtue to Bryon’s twin brother Myron. Byron has now agreed with Myron to turn Penelope into a fabulously sultry burlesque star—the star of the show at their soon-to-open Sock Monkey Strip Club.
But before Byron could be much use as a sex trade businessman, he needed to get himself together.
For several days after the Masquerade Ball, Byron retreated to the depths of his favorite purple William Yeoward crystal vase. He passed the time by intermittently crying, sleeping, and devouring three times the Sock-FDA recommended daily allowance of Grey Poupon.
He then spent way too much time leveling his character Sockotropodopodes on World of Warcraft. Fueled by mustard and an unhealthy amount of tenacity, he made it from level 23 to level 85 in less than an hour. Azeroth had never seen such a feat. To this day, the WoW forums still buzz about it.
Feeling that his mental health was still in a critical state and that online achievements weren’t at all mending his damaged psyche, Bryon figured that fresh air and communing with nature might do his brain some good.
He visited the nearby cat ranch and made friends with a fine filly named Juliettia.
After spending several days gaining Juliettia’s favor by offering her succulent apple treats and by meticulously brushing her luxurious coat, Byron felt that he had made a true friend.
Byron began feeling the warmth of the sun and enjoying the tastes of his favorite condiments. Shoving a feline friend into the Penelope-shaped hole in his soul seemed to have worked — for now. Byron felt ready to help his brother swing open the doors to The Sock Monkey. He was ready for success!
Stay tuned to find out how long it takes Byron to break down completely!
Will we ever hear from Juliettia again?
What will Penelope think when she finds out that Byron has replaced her with a kitten?
All of these questions – and more! – will be answered next time on Sock Puppet Burlesque!