Hello there, faithful Sock Puppet Burlesque readers. A vast array of emotions. That is what we will experience together as we watch Penelope prepare to take the burlesque stage for the very first time. It’s opening night at The Sock Monkey Strip Club — and Penelope is the headlining act! Now, as we know, Penelope inadvertently broke the heart of Byron Flats by sleeping with his twin brother Myron. To Penelope, her one shot at love is forever dashed. The worst part? It was her own fault. By carelessly throwing around her sock-body, Penelope has shattered her sense of self worth. She often thinks to herself, “Who could love such a loose sock?” But, in spite of it all, Penelope still knows she’s a sock of unmatched beauty. Perhaps she could use her looks to achieve the only other thing she wants out of life: ginormous, obscene wealth. Just like…tons and tons of money. This was the thought that awoke Penelope from a placidly beautiful dream of flying across an emerald field of contented puffy-fluffy sheep. She yawned and then thought about the day ahead of her. She wanted to close her eyes again. Penelope needed motivation. So, she flipped through her favorite magazine of haute couture and was transfixed by a page full of lustrous Ergdorf Goodma jewels. She concentrated hard, imagining how such costly trinkets would look on her own alluring figure. “Stunning,” she decided. If stripping could bring her such fine things, it would be worth it. […]
Our seedy saga continues with Myron Flats’ seduction of Penelope Boots. Remember how mesmerized Myron was with Penelope the very moment he saw her? He knew her beauty could make him a rich, rich sock. Myron decided to gain Penelope’s trust by wooing her. He planned to make her his girlfriend. Then he could convince her to pose nude on the internet for sure! Myron took Penelope out on a fancy first date. They went to dinner at a trendy condiment restaurant and shared a tub of mayonnaise al fresco. Myron invited Penelope back to his apartment to look at his prize olive oil collection. Penelope was no fool, but she thought that Myron was pretty cute and didn’t care how impressive Myron’s olive oil collection was or wasn’t — so she went along with it. Back at his place, Myron put a Katy Perry YouTube video on to set the mood. He almost kissed Penelope then as they moved to the catchy beat, but he thought better of it. He needed a surefire way to seduce her. No lady sock could resist his baking. “Let me make for you my special red velvet cake,” he said with a devilish grin. Penelope smiled. She did indeed love red velvet cake. Perched atop some nearby butter, Penelope watched in awe as Myron worked his kitchen magic… …And as Myron fed her forkful after forkful of delicious red velvet cake, he knew his seduction was working. Penelope politely offered to do the […]
By now, you’ve all met Penelope Boots… But why don’t we take some time and get to know her a bit better. Let’s take a peek into her psyche. Of course, anyone can plainly see that Penelope Boots is an exquisitely beautiful young sock — but she works hard to maintain her figure. Perhaps too hard. In fact, you might say that Penelope’s greatest weakness is her vanity. She lifts free weights twice her size and religiously practices Capoeira. She often strains herself at the gym and has to ice her aching muscles. ‘Fit Sock: Sock Fitness Magazine’ recommends a refreshing stint in the freezer. It does the trick. Penelope also suffers from fits of insomnia. She just cannot turn off her mind. To quell her angst, she goes for long runs through the peaceful, darkened city. Often Penelope runs through the entire night and well into the morning. When she is fully exhausted, Penelope collapses in a distant field of fresh baby spinach. It has become her ritual. She stares up at at the clouds and listens to ambient house music. She thinks about her place in the universe. Penelope is a complicated sock. Sometimes when the sun is beating down just right, Penelope likes to bask in its warmth — and to work on her tan. She gets completely nude to achieve maximum results. It was during one of these naked post-workout tanning sessions when Myron (of the Flats twins) happened upon her…He could not take his eyes […]
Meet Byron and Myron Flats. They run a series of popular internet porn websites. They are also the owners/managers of The Sock Monkey strip club. However, they weren’t always in the sex trade. Myron dreamed of being a five star chef. He was a connoisseur of many olive oils. Byron was more of a bookish sort. He had a thing for Oscar Wilde. He even earned an advanced degree in Irish Literature. However, dreams of being a famous chef or esteemed professor do not pay the bills. Running a popular porn site – however – does. Perhaps it was the dashed hopes and dreams of the Flats twins which lead them into a career of smut and skin-sales. Or, perhaps, the problem stems from the fact that in their early years, they were frequently worn with sandals. Speculation and psychology aside, one thing is true: Byron and Myron Flats would eventually become the billionaire proprietors of the seediest sock puppet burlesque show this side of Budapest. Among other things, they would make Penelope Boots a star, a feat which would ultimately lead to her emotional and physical unravelling. Stay tuned to find out how the Flats twins met Penelope and how – in one fell swoop- they went from aspiring chef and academic to raunchy sock puppet pimps.
Meet Penelope Boots, a vibrant left sock. She’s a normal California girl. She enjoys In-N-Out Burger… ..and going to fine art museums. She’s just like every other young, bright, hopeful sock out there. With one exception. Penelope Boots is about to discover her destiny as a saucy burlesque sock puppet pole dancer. Stay tuned to find out exactly what the hell that entails.
Hometown: Cork, Ireland Age: 25 Favorite Color: Chartreuse Hopes: To be a famous chef Fears: To die poor Myron Flats comprises one half of the Flats Twins, the savvy entrepreneurs behind The Sock Monkey Strip Club. In his youth, Myron aspired to be a culinary star on The Footie Cooking Network. However, after one failed flambé too many, Myron lost his confidence and started down a path most unseemly.
Penelope Boots Hometown: Venice Beach, California Age: 18 Favorite Color: Hot pink Hopes: To be a famous actress Fears: To be forgotten Hailing from sunny California, Penelope Boots is a most curious left sock. While she spends a fair amount of time working on and tending to her looks, Penelope truly has no idea how attractive she is. Perhaps it is her innocence mixed with her irresistibly hot bod hat will lead to her untimely demise.
Hometown: Cork, Ireland Age: 25 Favorite Color: All shades of neon Hopes: To be an esteemed professor of Anglo-Irish Literature Fears: To go insane Byron, the other half of the Flat Twins, always pursued a more cerebral life’s passion. Between reading fin de siècle Irish novels and working on his own great Sock-American roman à clef, Byron indulged in some fairly heavy recreational narcotics and hallucinogens. It was in one of these drugged-out states of mind that Byron envisioned the business plan for The Sock Monkey.