Aloha there, web surfers, and welcome to another episode of Sock Puppet Burlesque. Last we checked in with Penelope Boots she had decided to turn the Sock Monkey Strip Club into a sex-positive venue. However, as Penny investigated her options, she decided that she needed to hone her business acumen in order to figure out which way to go. Penelope had learned through recent trials and tribulations not to be so impulsive. So, Penelope Boots enrolled in an online MBA program from Shoestring Tech. She enthusiastically enjoyed Financial Sockcounting but also took joy in learning all about managerial skills and pie charts. After graduating with highest honors, Penelope developed a binder full of potential business plans. She could turn the venue into some kind of saucy restaurant where visitors embraced their socksuality while dining on fine carrot sticks paired with only the best Canadian ginger ale. However, something seemed wrong with that idea, and Penny went back to square one. Then she saw an ad in a magazine she was flipping through at the supermarket checkout. Always one to believe in the mysteries of the universe, Penelope Boots decided to pay Sorceress Ghillies a visit. When Penelope Boots called to make her appointment, Sorceress Gillies’ assistant, a sentient stapler named Randy gave Penelope the run-down on how her appointment would go. (Side note: Randy wasn’t always a stapler. Before being cursed by Gillies and forced to endure a decade of servitude, Randy was actually a very zealous pineapple […]
Hello there, faithful Sock Puppet Burlesque readers. A vast array of emotions. That is what we will experience together as we watch Penelope prepare to take the burlesque stage for the very first time. It’s opening night at The Sock Monkey Strip Club — and Penelope is the headlining act! Now, as we know, Penelope inadvertently broke the heart of Byron Flats by sleeping with his twin brother Myron. To Penelope, her one shot at love is forever dashed. The worst part? It was her own fault. By carelessly throwing around her sock-body, Penelope has shattered her sense of self worth. She often thinks to herself, “Who could love such a loose sock?” But, in spite of it all, Penelope still knows she’s a sock of unmatched beauty. Perhaps she could use her looks to achieve the only other thing she wants out of life: ginormous, obscene wealth. Just like…tons and tons of money. This was the thought that awoke Penelope from a placidly beautiful dream of flying across an emerald field of contented puffy-fluffy sheep. She yawned and then thought about the day ahead of her. She wanted to close her eyes again. Penelope needed motivation. So, she flipped through her favorite magazine of haute couture and was transfixed by a page full of lustrous Ergdorf Goodma jewels. She concentrated hard, imagining how such costly trinkets would look on her own alluring figure. “Stunning,” she decided. If stripping could bring her such fine things, it would be worth it. […]
Welcome back. Time for another chapter in this most sexy sock puppet adventure! By now we know that Byron Flats is deeply in love with the gorgeous Penelope Boots. We’ve also learned that Byron’s twin brother Myron has schemes to exploit Penelope’s beauty by turning her into a saucy burlesque sensation. Neither twin is aware of his brother’s intentions. Penelope, herself, is clueless! This time on Sock Puppet Burlesque, we see just what happens when the truth comes out! It was the night of the Flats Twins annual masquerade ball. The tradition began with the demise of their father, Alistair Flats. Alistair had been a huge bal masqué enthusiast and had even travelled back in time to thirteenth century Venice to celebrate the very first carnivale. It was during one of those time-travelling adventures that Alistair’s fabric accidentally melded with the very fabric of the universe — causing instant death. The annual ball was a way for the twins to honor their father’s memory. Byron decided to invite Penelope to the event. What better time to introduce her to his brother and show off her beauty? He was also tired of listening to Myron gloat about the new girl he had found to exhibit on the internet. It was his turn to show off his arm candy. Oh, if only Byron had known the truth! Penelope was thrilled at the invitation to the costume party. She spent hours deciding on her costume. What to wear, what to wear? Bryon dressed […]
Our seedy saga continues with Myron Flats’ seduction of Penelope Boots. Remember how mesmerized Myron was with Penelope the very moment he saw her? He knew her beauty could make him a rich, rich sock. Myron decided to gain Penelope’s trust by wooing her. He planned to make her his girlfriend. Then he could convince her to pose nude on the internet for sure! Myron took Penelope out on a fancy first date. They went to dinner at a trendy condiment restaurant and shared a tub of mayonnaise al fresco. Myron invited Penelope back to his apartment to look at his prize olive oil collection. Penelope was no fool, but she thought that Myron was pretty cute and didn’t care how impressive Myron’s olive oil collection was or wasn’t — so she went along with it. Back at his place, Myron put a Katy Perry YouTube video on to set the mood. He almost kissed Penelope then as they moved to the catchy beat, but he thought better of it. He needed a surefire way to seduce her. No lady sock could resist his baking. “Let me make for you my special red velvet cake,” he said with a devilish grin. Penelope smiled. She did indeed love red velvet cake. Perched atop some nearby butter, Penelope watched in awe as Myron worked his kitchen magic… …And as Myron fed her forkful after forkful of delicious red velvet cake, he knew his seduction was working. Penelope politely offered to do the […]
By now, you’ve all met Penelope Boots… But why don’t we take some time and get to know her a bit better. Let’s take a peek into her psyche. Of course, anyone can plainly see that Penelope Boots is an exquisitely beautiful young sock — but she works hard to maintain her figure. Perhaps too hard. In fact, you might say that Penelope’s greatest weakness is her vanity. She lifts free weights twice her size and religiously practices Capoeira. She often strains herself at the gym and has to ice her aching muscles. ‘Fit Sock: Sock Fitness Magazine’ recommends a refreshing stint in the freezer. It does the trick. Penelope also suffers from fits of insomnia. She just cannot turn off her mind. To quell her angst, she goes for long runs through the peaceful, darkened city. Often Penelope runs through the entire night and well into the morning. When she is fully exhausted, Penelope collapses in a distant field of fresh baby spinach. It has become her ritual. She stares up at at the clouds and listens to ambient house music. She thinks about her place in the universe. Penelope is a complicated sock. Sometimes when the sun is beating down just right, Penelope likes to bask in its warmth — and to work on her tan. She gets completely nude to achieve maximum results. It was during one of these naked post-workout tanning sessions when Myron (of the Flats twins) happened upon her…He could not take his eyes […]
Meet Penelope Boots, a vibrant left sock. She’s a normal California girl. She enjoys In-N-Out Burger… ..and going to fine art museums. She’s just like every other young, bright, hopeful sock out there. With one exception. Penelope Boots is about to discover her destiny as a saucy burlesque sock puppet pole dancer. Stay tuned to find out exactly what the hell that entails.
Penelope Boots Hometown: Venice Beach, California Age: 18 Favorite Color: Hot pink Hopes: To be a famous actress Fears: To be forgotten Hailing from sunny California, Penelope Boots is a most curious left sock. While she spends a fair amount of time working on and tending to her looks, Penelope truly has no idea how attractive she is. Perhaps it is her innocence mixed with her irresistibly hot bod hat will lead to her untimely demise.