How about we take a slight pause from the saucy epic of Penelope Boot’s transformation into a burlesque dancer? Instead, let us introduce ourselves to another influential sock in this most cheeky chronicle. Meet Doris Cleat. Ensocklopedia Britannica lists her as the first known sock puppet burlesque dancer in recorded history. Believe it or not, folks, Doris used to be radiant and beautiful. In fact, her shimmery golden locks were once famous amongst burlesque aficionados. But, alas, a career of stripping and smutting turned her dull and tattered. Elasticity faded into a thing of the past. Doris experienced some rather dark times. After all those years of non-stop-sexy-gyration — and after suffering a slight dryer-sheet addiction — Doris could barely look at herself in the mirror. This was, of course, prior to the female sock empowerment movement. Social expectations of lady socks were different in those days. Also, the street value of dryer-sheets was drastically lower back then. Some nights, Doris would wash herself over and over in stain remover — but her taxing lifestyle had penetrated her exterior and tarnished her very soul. Then, one day, Doris decided to turn it all around; Time to make the world a better place! Doris happened across some homeless teenage socks who were scavenging for victuals in a trashcan. Inspiration hit right on the spot! A veritable miracle! Doris founded the first ever food bank/youth club for mismatched socks. Immediately, her soul felt refreshed! However, what Doris didn’t know is that her […]
By now, you’ve all met Penelope Boots… But why don’t we take some time and get to know her a bit better. Let’s take a peek into her psyche. Of course, anyone can plainly see that Penelope Boots is an exquisitely beautiful young sock — but she works hard to maintain her figure. Perhaps too hard. In fact, you might say that Penelope’s greatest weakness is her vanity. She lifts free weights twice her size and religiously practices Capoeira. She often strains herself at the gym and has to ice her aching muscles. ‘Fit Sock: Sock Fitness Magazine’ recommends a refreshing stint in the freezer. It does the trick. Penelope also suffers from fits of insomnia. She just cannot turn off her mind. To quell her angst, she goes for long runs through the peaceful, darkened city. Often Penelope runs through the entire night and well into the morning. When she is fully exhausted, Penelope collapses in a distant field of fresh baby spinach. It has become her ritual. She stares up at at the clouds and listens to ambient house music. She thinks about her place in the universe. Penelope is a complicated sock. Sometimes when the sun is beating down just right, Penelope likes to bask in its warmth — and to work on her tan. She gets completely nude to achieve maximum results. It was during one of these naked post-workout tanning sessions when Myron (of the Flats twins) happened upon her…He could not take his eyes […]
Meet Byron and Myron Flats. They run a series of popular internet porn websites. They are also the owners/managers of The Sock Monkey strip club. However, they weren’t always in the sex trade. Myron dreamed of being a five star chef. He was a connoisseur of many olive oils. Byron was more of a bookish sort. He had a thing for Oscar Wilde. He even earned an advanced degree in Irish Literature. However, dreams of being a famous chef or esteemed professor do not pay the bills. Running a popular porn site – however – does. Perhaps it was the dashed hopes and dreams of the Flats twins which lead them into a career of smut and skin-sales. Or, perhaps, the problem stems from the fact that in their early years, they were frequently worn with sandals. Speculation and psychology aside, one thing is true: Byron and Myron Flats would eventually become the billionaire proprietors of the seediest sock puppet burlesque show this side of Budapest. Among other things, they would make Penelope Boots a star, a feat which would ultimately lead to her emotional and physical unravelling. Stay tuned to find out how the Flats twins met Penelope and how – in one fell swoop- they went from aspiring chef and academic to raunchy sock puppet pimps.
Meet Penelope Boots, a vibrant left sock. She’s a normal California girl. She enjoys In-N-Out Burger… ..and going to fine art museums. She’s just like every other young, bright, hopeful sock out there. With one exception. Penelope Boots is about to discover her destiny as a saucy burlesque sock puppet pole dancer. Stay tuned to find out exactly what the hell that entails.