Aloha there, web surfers, and welcome to another episode of Sock Puppet Burlesque. Last we checked in with Penelope Boots she had decided to turn the Sock Monkey Strip Club into a sex-positive venue. However, as Penny investigated her options, she decided that she needed to hone her business acumen in order to figure out which way to go. Penelope had learned through recent trials and tribulations not to be so impulsive. So, Penelope Boots enrolled in an online MBA program from Shoestring Tech. She enthusiastically enjoyed Financial Sockcounting but also took joy in learning all about managerial skills and pie charts. After graduating with highest honors, Penelope developed a binder full of potential business plans. She could turn the venue into some kind of saucy restaurant where visitors embraced their socksuality while dining on fine carrot sticks paired with only the best Canadian ginger ale. However, something seemed wrong with that idea, and Penny went back to square one. Then she saw an ad in a magazine she was flipping through at the supermarket checkout. Always one to believe in the mysteries of the universe, Penelope Boots decided to pay Sorceress Ghillies a visit. When Penelope Boots called to make her appointment, Sorceress Gillies’ assistant, a sentient stapler named Randy gave Penelope the run-down on how her appointment would go. (Side note: Randy wasn’t always a stapler. Before being cursed by Gillies and forced to endure a decade of servitude, Randy was actually a very zealous pineapple […]
Sorceress Ghillies Hometown: Dubrovnik, Croatia Age: 904 Favorite Color: Black Hopes: To rid the world of evil socks who prey on the weak Fears: To become evil herself After a life of wickedness, Sorceress Ghillies suffered an ancient curse. She will endure immortality until she fulfills her destiny: to defeat a scurrilous duo. Sorceress Ghillies does not know which duo she is meant to foil, so she travels the world looking for pairs of evildoers. She’s also developed quite a case of misandry and often curses male socks just for kicks. Over the years, Ghillies developed a knack for all these mystic, and she learned in the 1970s how to read socks’ fortunes concurrently with the mastery of several key disco moves.